


Damn!

by underground_archivist



Category: Labyrinth (1986)
Genre: Crack, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-10-04
Updated: 2008-10-04
Packaged: 2020-07-30 10:43:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20095972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/underground_archivist/pseuds/underground_archivist
Summary: Jareth gets a surprising summons that definitely doesn't go as planned. For Kore's favorite challenge, the Fluffy Bunny and written by the request of Lixxle.





	Damn!

**Author's Note:**

> Note from banshee, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Underground](https://fanlore.org/wiki/Underground_\(Labyrinth_archive\)) and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2019. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Underground’s collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/underground/profile).
> 
> _A/N: I own nothing but my own ideas. _

Damn! 

Jareth knew something was wrong the minute he woke up. Being overly sensitive was a trait most Fae had and when he felt rather…too much air somewhere that normally didn’t, that was a warning sign.

But the other warning sign was his surroundings. After he moved a hand to over his nether regions, he realized that he was in a room he’d only seen through one of his crystals, and an occupant who he had not seen ‘in the flesh’ for six years.

He blinked rapidly, not quite wanting to move his hands if this _was_ real, and yet not quite believing it. If it was a dream, it truly didn’t matter for what was to come next (unless he woke up), but still…something was different.

Maybe it was because the woman in front of him was completely drunk.

“Zharet!” Sarah slurred. “I sough you would come! I wisht you’d come – I did.” She giggled, and collapsed on the floor. An empty bottle rolled away from her hands, and she began to laugh uncontrollably.

‘Zharet’ stared in horror at the love of his life. If it truly was Sarah. But it _must_ have been – no one else could have called him, yet…his Sarah would never let himself get drunk like this would she?

Sarah continued to laugh, her body rolling all over the floor and her hands grasped at her stomach.

Still unsure about his physical situation, Jareth looked around for something to wrap himself up in temporarily. His eyes caught on a skimpy little robe covered with lace. He winced, but grabbed it.

Thus wrapped somewhat, Jareth kneeled next to the girl – no woman, “Sarah?”

Her eyes flashed open, from when they were closed with mirth. She continued to giggle, but she reached up touch Jareth’s cheek, “I can’t _believe_ it’s you Gobbin King.” She hiccupped. He winced again. “Never got brave enough,” Hiccup. “Or drunk ‘nough to drink you here.”

“Isn’t that a shame,” said Jareth faintly. Her hand was bothering him…

Sarah smiled, “Yesh it ish a shame – nevah gotta tell ya about the thingy…” she trailed off and a groove appeared between her eyebrows. “The thingy…hey do you have my booze?”

He paused. “No, no, I don’t – what did you want to tell me about?” Discreetly, he kicked the bottle out of the way.

“Right,” said Sarah blearily. “Thats right! The purty place I went when I ran your Labyth.” Again he winced, but then her eyes lit up. She suddenly jumped up, and pulled Jareth with surprising strength. She had stepped on the robe, and his lower…region was bare yet again. And that was definitely not a good thing with Sarah so close – no not a good thing at all…

“The dancin’ place,” Sarah said brightly. Her hands had moved to his, stopping his from reaching down and grabbing the damned robe. Suddenly they were dancing in a stumbling, horrible way. Sarah was too close for _true_ comfort, and she kept swaying them. The window which he must have arrived through was wide open, and they came horribly close to falling out it at one point. Sarah somehow ended up leading – Jareth mortifyingly was still shocked by this strange behavior. And he was waltzing around naked with a drunken Sarah for Spirit’s sake! Things shouldn’t be happening like this at all, things were supposed to go the way he planned them, not this stumbling awful mess.

While they danced, Sarah babbled in her slurred voice, “It wash sho purty evywhere and my dress was really purty too.” He tried then to grab the robe but failed. Sarah continued, “And dere was all the other dancers who kept laughin’ at me but I couldn’t find you…” She pouted, over did it really. “Where _were_ you? I look everywhere and everywhere.”

Sarah leaned in closer to him and squinted. He could smell the alcohol on her breath and his nose wrinkled. “You weren’t avoidin’ me were you?”

He hadn’t at the time, been toying with her mind and enjoying the lost look at her face. Now that he looked back, it might have been better if he had done that the entire time…She would probably be Underground with him still. Damn, he really needed to plan more properly.

“Of course not,” he said, taking a firmer grip on her hands. “Sarah, why don’t you sit down? We can catch on old times then…”

Sarah shook her head, giddy. “No, this is _fun_ I had to leave last time we danced and everything’s spinning and nice.” She giggled. “I like your clothes too.”

What happened next could only be attributed to Jareth’s surprise and Sarah’s being drunk. Shocked by Sarah’s realizing (though that in itself was rather…probable) Jareth stopped, stepping on Sarah’s feet. She wasn’t barefoot and she began hopping up and down on one foot. “Owchie!” she wailed, grabbing her toes. She tipped precariously, and grabbed the nearest steady object – Jareth.

Jareth grabbed her quickly, but as she was swaying he did too. Before either could realize that the two of them staying apart was like keeping peanut butter and jelly away from each other, their lips crashed to each others.

The Goblin King’s mind went into overload – the moment he had been dreaming to happen for _years _was finally happening! She tasted worst than he had thought she would – like mortal beer instead of strawberries. She smelled pretty badly too – more like dirt and _bad_ sweat instead of her normal scent of gardenia. And there was the fact that she was pressing against himself too quickly, and he wasn’t expecting that.

Between biting his lips, Sarah sighed, “Oh Zharet…” She then pressed her hands against his shoulders, and pushed herself away from him.

Or rather…she pushed him away from her. They’d stopped while dancing, he realized and since he was enjoying this kiss (though not as much as he hoped he would), he was shocked when she pushed him away. His eyes sprung open, and he stepped backwards and (unlike himself) unbalanced. His arms flailed for a moment, and reached to grab Sarah or something by him to steady himself.

The problem of course was where Sarah and ‘Zharet’ had stopped. Right before that open window, they had nearly fallen into before. And the window that Jareth was falling through then.

Panicked and not thinking straight in the split second Jareth had, he grabbed at the edge of the window – he missed and grabbed one of the bars that was on the window pane. For half a second he was relieved and thought he’d be able to pull himself back. But there were two obstacles (was the world scheming against him?) that hindered him.

One was that the apartment where Sarah lived had run low on funds when hiring handymen. This certain bar had fallen off several times previously (which as Jareth fell _down, down, down_ remembered in one of the times he had…looked in on Sarah). The second thing was that this bar was rather old, and made from man’s greatest invention – iron.

Too shocked to even let go of the bar (which _might_ have given him enough time to switch to owl form) Jareth fell from Sarah’s apartment, where Sarah had already passed out.

There was only one word to describe the situation. Unfortunately he wasn’t able to even think it before the end came.

* * *

Sarah woke up with a splitting headache. “Ow,” she moaned. She buried her head in her hands – the light streaming from the open window, nor were the sirens coming from it helping.

Staggering, she made it to the window and not even looking out it she slammed it shut, closing the clasp. She realized that same bar that kept falling off was gone again. Fell out the window maybe? Sarah groaned. She didn’t want to deal with this now. She should _never_ have let Jan get her drunk. Her head _killed_. She could feel a sharp knocking there, a pounding like a fist on wood and then…

“Miss Williams? Miss Williams, are you in? This is the police.”

That was why – it wasn’t just in her brain. Scrambling to her door, she whipped it open. Not caring that she looked an awful mess, and that she was still in her old clothes she said, “Can I help you?”

There were too cops outside her door, and the taller of the two coughed. “Yes, Miss Williams, we hope you can. You see there’s been an accident…”

“Oh no,” said Sarah horrified. “It’s not my brother is it?”

The shorter furrowed his brow. “Was _that_ who it was? We assumed he was a boyfriend, since he was in such a state.”

Seeing Sarah’s look of confusion, the taller said, “Look Miss Williams – this morning we received a phone call that there was a body below your window. The paramedics came in, and we found a tall blond male who was quite naked.” He paused, “Though there’s no true way to tell, we need to make a thorough investigation. Do you know anything about this man?”

Sarah’s brain was still foggy from all the alcohol she had imbibed. The last night was foggy too…she could vaguely remember dancing and lying on the floor at one point. Someone had been there, hadn’t there?

“Any sort of identification on him?” Sarah at last asked.

The shorter rolled his eyes, “Of course not – he was _naked_ Miss. “

“Naked?” asked Sarah baffled. “Really?”

The policemen exchanged looks, “Would you like a picture of the body?”

Sarah winced, “Look officers, I just woke up from one hell of a hangover – I really don’t think…”

Before she could finish her sentence, the shorter one shoved a picture of a head only partially cleaned from blood. One look at the image was enough for Sarah to remember, realize, and feel sick.

_Damn_.


End file.
